Halloween Candy = The Enemy

Ugh, Halloween. Its a fun time but not always when you're trying to watch your waistline. This time of year in general is always hard. I told myself I was going to be strong today, that it was going to be another good day and I was NOT going to cave and give in to all the yummy candy.

Well I get to work this morning and the first thing my boss tells me? "I brought in some Halloween goodies and hot chocolate and apple cider!" Kill me, just kill me now. I stayed strong until about noon when I was starving and turned to two pieces of Laffy Taffy to hold me over until lunchtime. (I just looooove taffy! I couldn't resist the powers of the taffy anymore!)

Anyways I made it through the rest of the day at work without much more fault, except for the small cup of hot chocolate. Again, I couldn't resist that one either, I was freezing and it was so damp and dreary out. The hot chocolate tasted amazing. So once I got home, my mom was pulling out the nine (yep, NINE bags of chocolate just sitting there torturing me) bags of Halloween candy to give out to the trick-or-treaters tonight. My boyfriend came over soon after to visit and of course, he dove right in with a Twix bar. Seeing him sitting there eating that chocolate made me so jealous that I just had to have some! So I had a Milky Way, figuring one little bar wouldn't hurt me.

Three little candy bars later, I now feel incredibly guilty and kind of sick. Why are they so addicting? I ended up eating two Milky Ways, a Twix, and a Three Musketeers. At least they're the tiny fun-sized bars, but still. I'm trying to be good and stick to this diet and eating candy is not the way to do it! I have to stay focused, especially through the holidays coming up. Just trying to stay strong right now!

Had to throw in a quick picture though too. Me and my boy handing out candy tonight. Of course I put on my Minnie Mouse ears, gotta be festive!


And a picture of the pumpkins we carved this year. I did a breast cancer ribbon and he did the Joker. I hope everyone had a fun and safe Halloween though, depression over my candy binge aside! :)

Starting Over

Well, today was definitely a better day. I weighed in this morning and took a few pics so hopefully I can actually lose this extra weight and show these before and after pictures. I woke up this morning at 150 pounds. I would like to be down to 130, so 20 pounds to go! I hate looking at these pictures. I really, really hope these can inspire me to stick with it!


I don't like this. Not one bit. I plan to be posting a fabulous-looking after picture very soon! This will keep me motivated!


I actually wasn't too sure about posting these pictures because I am definitely not an over-confident or secure person. But I want to be strong and by putting myself out there, I want to use it as a motivation tool. Besides, no matter what my weight, I should just always feel like a beautiful woman.


Ugh, please excuse ugly no-makeup face and sweaty hair. I just got done exercising. Probably not the best time to be taking pictures.


Wanted to get some face shots in here as well because I tend to think of myself with a chubby face. I would love to see a difference in that too.

I'm going to get there though! Just taking everything one day at a time and trying hard not to get discouraged!

About Me

I guess I should start this thing off by introducing myself. Hi there, my name is Amanda. I'm a 22 year old girl on her journey of fitness and discovery. Mostly trying to figure out my life and who I am, piece by piece. But so far, I think I'm enjoying the ride! But the one thing that gets me down sometimes is my weight. Kind of shallow and vain, I know. But its just something I want to perfect. I know a lot of people go through issues like this, dealing with self-acceptance and trying to build confidence so I think thats why I want to start blogging about it. Maybe by writing out my feelings, it'll help me on this journey.

But maybe I should back up a bit here. You see, I've been overweight pretty much my entire life. I've always been the chubby kid. Not always a fun thing. Finally, around two years ago in 2009, I took control of my weight. I decided enough was enough. I went on Weight Watchers and lost 50 pounds. I felt thin and sexy and powerful. I finally felt like it was okay for people to start looking at me.


Me in November of 2007, probably at my heaviest of about 180 pounds. (And clearly, I was at Disney World. Note, the Princess Aurora autograph.)

After seeing pictures like that, it really shocked me into wanting to change my life. And change it for good. So I started Weight Watchers in the beginning of 2009. My starting weight was at 173. This was the picture I took in January of that year.

(Attractive, no? Gotta love my oh so cute outfit.)

And by June of 2009 of strictly following the Weight Watchers points system, I had lost 30 pounds.


Another couple of months and by the end of 2009, I had reached my goal weight. My goal weight is essentially 130 pounds. At my lowest, I weighed 123. Thats when I can say I really did lose 50 pounds. I don't have any pictures of that weight, however here I am at a very happy and content 133.


I always thought I was losing weight for myself. And to some extent, I was. But I was also losing so I would feel accepted. You see, at 20 years old, I have never had a serious boyfriend. Again, this is going to sound so vapid, but I was also doing this for a boyfriend. I didn't ever think a boy could go for me with all those extra pounds but if I could lose it, maybe I could lure one in! I went on a couple of dates with this one boy (my first date, sad I know, feel free to judge) that winter. It didn't work. I just didn't like him, wasn't attracted to him and I didn't want to settle for the first boy who just happened to look my way and ask me out. So I got scared, again, and remained dateless until the summer of 2010.

One of my best friends, sick of seeing me alone and increasingly more unhappy about it, decided to take charge. She told me she knew they perfect boy for me. They worked together and he was single and looking for a relationship. I was scared and nervous and didn't exactly want to be set up but she's a Type A personality and somehow talked (read: forced) me into doing it. And that was when I found the boy I was looking for. Yep, The One.


Me and my boy. Oh, how I love him so!

We've been together for over a year now. And needless to say, its been the happiest year of my life. He makes me feel beautiful, sexy, loved, and protected. I could never imagine something like this happening to me. That I would find a man so sweet and so bent on making me feel worthwhile.

However, one small problem came with our relationship. He's a tall, 6'4" man with a naturally fast metabolism. Yeah, he can eat whatever the hell he wants and not gain a pound. And since he made me feel so beautiful and thin anyways, I kind of fell off the wagon. I feel ashamed and disappointed mostly. Since we started going out, I unfortunately gained back 20 of those pounds that I worked so hard to lose. I feel guilty a lot too, that he met and fell in love with a much thinner woman and now has to deal with this 20 pound heavier thing that gets emotional so easily about her weight and wants so desperately for it to come off again!

Here's the woman my boy knew and fell in love with:


And, who he knows now. Twenty pounds heavier and not feeling like the greatest person:

I'm on the far left. This was at Race for the Cure this past September. Not the best picture, but the most recent one I have.

So to conclude this already lengthy post, I'm just here to kind of start over and try and get back on track. And hopefully by sharing this journey, it'll help motivate me and keep me strong. I know I can do this. I did it once before and I can do it again!